I'm a school wellness director and strength & conditioning coach of teenage boys. Every week I share honest thoughts for parents who want to use their son's new interest in fitness as a vehicle to build sustainable wellness skills, but don't know what to do or how to do it. I use research from education, exercise science, and adolescent development, along with my own creative storytelling twists, to highlight my belief that every boy needs a wellness-focused strength coach for his physical, mental, and emotional growth.
Your sensitive teenage boy needs to get shoulder to shoulder
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It was the first week of school almost two decades ago. I was a new teacher settling down after a long day. Before I could sit down though, a 7th grader walked into my room crying hysterically. He was a big kid. Tall for his age, overweight, and clearly shy and sensitive about standing out. I walked with him, shoulder to shoulder, until he opened up and told me what happened: an adult in the building called him “big guy”. That’s it? That’s what got him so worked up? That’s what went through my new teacher brain. When he left, I went to go find the adult and as expected, he was mortified. He was just trying to be friendly. ‘Impact versus intent’ is what we call it in the education world. When we see our boys in distress, our default parent instinct, which is face-to-face interrogation, only makes them clam up. This was my first realization of not only how sensitive teenage boys can be about their bodies, but also how they communicate when they are under stress. Here is a suggestion backed by research; boys open up more easily when they are doing something side by side like walking, running, or lifting weights. NYU developmental psychologist Niobe Way spent twenty years interviewing teenage boys and found that they desperately want to open up, but they just need the right conditions. Research from 2025 confirmed what Way's research suggests: more than half of men feel more comfortable discussing difficult things side by side than face to face, and more than a third say it helps specifically because they can look away if they get emotional. There is no better shoulder-to-shoulder wellness practice for a teenage boy than lifting weights with someone he can trust and talk to. Parents can also use lifting weights as a way to get to the core of that sensitivity and offer up strategies to stay calm. Advice will be much better received in between sets of curls than in the car. So if your teenage son is a bit on the sensitive side or holding onto a lot of stress, try lifting weights with him the first few weeks of school this year. He might just open up. Be well, Coach Steve Kiely M.Ed, CSCS |
WELLNESS & FITNESS FOR TEENAGE BOYS
I'm a school wellness director and strength & conditioning coach of teenage boys. Every week I share honest thoughts for parents who want to use their son's new interest in fitness as a vehicle to build sustainable wellness skills, but don't know what to do or how to do it. I use research from education, exercise science, and adolescent development, along with my own creative storytelling twists, to highlight my belief that every boy needs a wellness-focused strength coach for his physical, mental, and emotional growth.
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Teenage boys today are physically weaker, less mobile and less aerobically fit than they were a generation ago. Additionally, they are sleeping less and continue to not eat breakfast. This isn’t good news from the CDC and definitely isn’t good news for parents of teenage boys. In my own experience, I’ve noticed that many of the teenage boys I initially meet to train as their strength coach lack basic general fitness; their grip strength gives out quick, their core cannot stabilize a simple...
It's a scene that plays out in gyms across the country every fall. A dad hears that the new guy running the weight room played Division I football, maybe he even went pro. He's strong, confident, and motivational. The dad shakes his hand, watches him move some serious weight, and thinks: "This is exactly who I want training my son." It's a completely understandable conclusion, but it's misguided. Not because he isn't a good person or a great role model, but because playing a sport at an elite...